Fate?

So it was me again who gave in to my own weaknesses...Yes...somehow I just can't stand life without her and got in touch with her again...

Well she was as clueless as usual about what's going on with me...but we were still able to work out our differences...so guess what? we're friends again...no surprise there...

What's surprising was this actually...Just about a week after we were in touch with each other again...she suddenly called me out of the blue...yes....for no apparent reason...just so say hi she said...but yea...I was so happy she called that I actually can't continue on my afternoon nap...not that I don't want to...just that I'm too happy to feel tired anymore...

Then later at night...I wasn't really in the mood to study nor watch TV...nor getting my ass to a nearby cyber cafe to have internet access...I decided to go to Times Square and Sungei Wang to brush up my skills on my favorite arcade racing game...I was in Times Square for about 45 minutes before I went over to Sungei Wang...

So I was planning to go to the arcade at the 2nd floor...I walked to SW from TS and got into an elevator...the arcade is on the second floor...but the buttons in the elevator are all smudged and all...I just pushed the on that SEEMS like 2 to me...when I got out of the elevator...I looked around and found myself kinda lost...I thought I'm on the second floor...but I was actually on the ground floor...

So I was kinda lost and all...walking around...not really sure which floor I'm in...then she called...and guess what? She saw me walking around without a clue where I'm at...-.- so she called me over to join her at a nearby restaurant with her bf...I usually find it really hard to refuse whatever she asks of me so I agreed...

Going to the restaurant she said she's in itself was really challenging in a sense...I mean...I haven't seen her for 5 months or so...and I was really really nervous...

YES...I ADMIT I'M REALLY SHY FOR A GUY
but that's me...nothing I can really do about it...: \

The moment I saw her is really the best thing that happened to me for the last few months...I was really shy and probably blushing and all...I FELT SO EMBARRASSED...but deep down inside...I was really really happy to have ran into her that day...after all that blundering she had to be there where I don't plan to be yet ended up being...

I guess this is what they call fate...

Memories

I was in class...trying concentrate on what the lecturer is saying...but the projector isn't working so it's kinda boring...so I decided to sent a msg to my friend and see if we could chat a little...

There I was...thinking I was keying in my friend's number...and before I knew it...Rowena's number was in the 'send to:' spot...I shook it off...and tried to key in my friend's number again...the same thing happened...

I don't know what's happening...I don't even know what I was doing until I finished typing her numbers...I didn't even noticed until the last second...

That really ruined my otherwise ordinarily boring day...

I miss her...it's only been more or less a month since I told myself I don't wanna have anything to do with her anymore...and it feels like it's been half a year...I miss her badly...but the missing ends here...all I'll ever do is miss her...I will not break the ice no more...I'm sick of it...

The best way to describe my feelings are probably these...

I've put my trust in you,
Pushed as far as I can go,
and for all this,
There's only one thing you should know.
I've tried so hard, and got so far,
But in the end, it doesn't even matter,
I had to fall to lose it all,
But in the end,
IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER

Fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want but not what you need,
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you.

And high up above or down below,
When you're too in love to let it go,
But if you never try then you'll never know,
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you.

Tears stream, down your face,
When you lose something you cannot replace,
Tears stream, down your face and ahhhh...

Tears stream, down your face,
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes,
Tears stream, down your face and ahhhh...

Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you.

Disappointed

So I guess this is really just my luck...That everytime I fall in love...I had to fall out of love the most heart-breaking way anyone can possibly imagine...It's so sad and pathetic that I don't even want to say it a second time...

This is kinda the 1st time I ever felt this way about anyone...that bitter-sweetness that is so hard to let go of...that always breaks my heart one way or the other...and someway somehow...she would always do something that makes me weak and keep hanging on to her...

Well I'm sick of it...so sick and tired of it...I don't care anymore...Forgetting that she's probably the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me is not going to be easy but I don't care anymore...This is torture...I just can't take it anymore...This is really Goodbye

I really wish I could just talk to her one last time...just so I could hear her sweet voice and watch that beautiful smile of hers...I miss her greatly...but in the end...

What's The Point?